Monday, June 25, 2012

Mom

West Texas Sunset
 
It's been awhile since I have wrote or talked about my mother.  Sometimes I just can't talk about her and other times I can't stop.  It is almost surreal what I am going though at this time and no one can help.  My sweet hubby is so patient when I start crying for no reason and I can't even explain it.   The last three weeks my Mother has not acknowledged me.  The staff at the Home states she does know who I am because I am able to get her to get her hair done and to do her nails or change her clothes easier.  But she doesn't seem to understand anything.  I try to talk to her and she is unable to understand and mainly just stares at nothing and says things that I don't understand nor can make sense of.   So I just go and sit with her and try to "go where she is mentally".  I answer her questions with whatever answer that I know will satisfy her even if she doesn't acknowledge the answer.  She walks with little steps and I am not sure how long it will be until she is in a wheelchair. But I continue to get her to walk with me and I sit with her as she eats.  She still gets happy when I bring her bananas for her crystal fruit bowl that we have placed on her nightstand.  I laughed one day when she saw the bananas and told me "Oh Yes, my "Girlfriend" always brings these to me everyday".  It's Ok with me if she calls me her girlfriend as long as she is happy that someone brings her bananas that she enjoys.  In the past when I was there she would not let me out of her sight but now she will get up and leave me sitting while she goes to check on something.  I just wait for her to return or I will go with her.
 I just finished reading Tonya Ferguson's  Book "to remember love  " and it has helped so very much to understand what I am going through.  She basically calls the new grief that I experience each day  "perpetual grief".  She explains that  this type of Grief that is never ending and always reappearing with each new loss of function or ability of Mother's.  This is why there is no closure nor can I accept the grief because it is new grief each day.   I admire Tonya and her devotion to God and how she has accepted her path in life.  I had to read it in bits and pieces because it is so moving and just overwhelmed me but it was so worth it.  I have been able to accept my own feelings toward this disease and to accept God's path for Mother.


Update:
 Mother has fallen and fractured her hip. I am not sure what the future holds for her but I am praying every day for her.  I just hope to try to maintain a decent quality of life for her.  As I am writing this, she has not awoke from her surgery and I am not sure how much of what happened that she will be able to understand. 

15 Lovely Comments:

  1. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}. I'm so sorry Evelyn that you're going through this. I cannot imagine. I'm praying for peace for you and health for your mom.

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  2. My prayers and thoughts are with you, Evelyn, at this emotional and difficult time. Sending strength to you, your Mom and your family.

    Karen x

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  3. Evelyn, my friend, I don't know what to say. Know that I am thinking of you and your family.

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  4. I am sorry to hear about all of this. One of my very good friends went through something similar with her mother...my friend would just cry and the tears were from her heart...not much we could do but stand beside her.
    I wish you peace.

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  5. I am thinking of you and praying for the best for you and your mom. You cry as much as you need to whenever you need to. I saw this quote on Pinterest: Crying isn't showing weakness, Its showing you've been strong for too long.

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  6. I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. Do know, I am thinking about you and hope your Mom would somehow understand what is happening, and that she'll be okay with it.
    A hug from me to you...
    Linda

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  7. Oh Evelyn I am so sorry. I so truly feel your pain. I understand what you mean when you said it's sometimes hard to write about your mom or to read that book. I even took a pause before I started reading your post today. I feel your pain and it makes me feel sad. I am going to get the book you talked about. Thanks for the recommendation. We can use all the support we can getand insight. I am saying a prayer you and your family. I know it's in God's hands and in that I take comfort everyday. xxoo

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  8. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your mom, and family. I hope she recovers from surgery and can enjoy your visits. Nichi

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  9. My thoughts are with you, Evelyn! Big hug from the other side of the planet.~Pernilla

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  10. Dear Evelyn

    It just breaks my heart that you and your family are going through all of this. You and your precious mom are in my prayers.

    Sending HUGE hugs your way.

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  11. I have been exactly where you are! Praying for you & your family! Please let me know if you need to chat!

    Mindy

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  12. So sorry to hear that. I used to work at home for Senior Citizens and it was very sad to watch and even more sad when they go through this alone. Your mom is lucky to have you there. Blessings

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  13. My grandmother has suffered from this disease for fifteen years. She was like a second mother to me. I understand that it is loss on a whole other level. Sending you hugs!

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  14. Evelyn,

    I am SO BLESSED that you found some Peace, Understanding, Acceptance, and Comfort in the words that fell directly from my heart onto the pages of my book, "to remember love."

    YOU, and others like you are the exact reason my book was written. I KNOW the feelings you are feeling. It breaks my heart to know the tremendous ache that will forever live in your heart because it lives in mine. But I also KNOW the Peace that God will wash over us if we allow Him to, and His strong arms that will carry us when we can no longer walk from our weariness.

    It is my intention, for the words in my book to give a Voice to all the Caregivers, Compassion to all the Grieving, and Hope to all the Hopeless.

    I'm always here for you, and you are never alone. I'm just an email away.
    tonya@tonya-ferguson.com


    Philippians 4:13,
    Tonya Ferguson
    "to remember love"
    www.tonya-ferguson.com

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  15. I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. Thoughts and prayers for you all.

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Thank you so much for your sweet comments:)))